Measure

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy," Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.


I have heard this rephrased to; “The measure of a man is not when things are going well, but at their worst” or perhaps this is a separate quote that I have not found the author to.

Either way it is what I wish to speak to. I wish to walk softly and carry a small stick on this one. There are people in recent memory who have failed the simple measure set forth above. Some I am closer to than others. Some who's failure has hurt me more than others.

People are admittedly uncomfortable with grief and the emotions that it causes. These are the times of challenge! People I am close to have said things and done things that have put me in a SHITTY place. All because THEY think they know how one should handle the situation we face. Well what the fuck....I wasn't handed a instruction sheet when Kathlyn died, much less one for life when I was born.  If you fucking know better than go write one. This thing called life is a roller coaster like none you will find at Carrowinds (for my southern friends) or Great Adventure (For the NJ folk).

Unfortunately the disapointers have put a wedge between themselves and Beth with me in the middle. I may not agree with them but I understand that they are just clueless and I love them no matter what. That is what we do as loyal and dedicated friends in the best of times or the worst of times. We do not DROP our friends just because we are not comfortable.

Beth has a fierce personality. She demands the highest of people because she demands it of herself. She is fiercely loyal and that is why I married her. This is a quality I value in people. It is a rare quality these days even amongst my brothers in blue (sadly) and is why I still have friends from childhood. Anyone that shows her the loyalty she demands gets it in return

So the disapointers have done their deeds. I forgive, I try to forget, but they have no clue what turmoil they have caused. Beth feels abandoned and hurt by such actions and this creates not only turmoil in her but puts me at the center of it all adding MORE stress. Any loved one who thinks deeply about their actions and cares would think three times before acting.

When times are good it is easy to be good to each other, when times are bad it is even more important to be good. Some people just haven't measured up.